Ultra-Pasteurized Milk

Growing up I learned two things about grocery shopping: 1) always get the best price per ounce of anything you are buying, especially cereal (my dad's rule mostly); and 2) always get the "best date" (the latest expiration date) for your purchases (my mom's rule mostly). One time when I was in college and on vacation with my family I put these grocery shopping skills to use. It was a Saturday evening, and we needed milk for our cereal the next morning (we don't shop on Sunday because of our religious beliefs, so it was critical to get milk on Saturday night). My mom dropped me off at the door of the grocery store and instructed me to HURRY.

Once in the store I skimmed the milk quickly, found the 2%, and looked for the best date. I found some milk that didn't expire for a good three months and figured that exemplary satisfaction of grocery shopping rule number 2 in this case trumped the higher cost of the milk. I mean, really, super-milk that doesn't expire for three months has got to be worth the extra cost. Plus, it was Mom who dropped me off at the store instead of Dad, so Mom's rule wins. And personally, I don't like milk very much--I only use it for cereal, milkshakes, and occasional baking. My milk usually goes bad in my fridge before it is half gone, so getting the best date on milk actually saves money in the long-run.

I got back in the car and shared the joy of finding "the best date" with my mom. Fast-forward to Sunday morning when my dad is eating his cereal (probably Honey Smacks purchased on sale). It turns out this super-milk was chalky and dry. My dad took a second look at the milk and discovered it was lactose-free. We are a strictly lactose-rich milk family. Automatic fail. Don't even think about trying to buy milk for this family again.

When I moved to D.C. two years ago I discovered Harris Teeter (a grocery store). The expiration dates on Harris Teeter milk are always about a month away. If I buy my milk anywhere else, I inevitably throw a substantial portion away, but not Harris Teeter milk. I almost couldn't believe it when I read that first expiration date: "Really, you don't expire for a month? Are you sure you have lactose? I don't buy lactose-free milk anymore, you know?" But it's true! Harris Teeter milk isn't lactose-free, it's ultra-pasteurized. After two years of enjoying milk-on-my-cereal-and-with-my-ice-cream-only bliss, I started to wonder.

What is ultra-pasteurized milk anyway? I have lived in six cities in different parts of the world and shopped at countless grocery stores, and I only find ultra-pasteurized milk at Harris Teeter. Could any liquid even closely resembling natural milk from a cow possibly stay fresh for a month? It looks like milk, it tastes like milk, but what is it really? I don't want to know anymore. Thanks to ultra-pasteurized milk I can live life without ever opening a smelly carton of milk or ruining a bowl of Honey Nut Cheerios (or Cocoa Krispies) with sour milk. Thank you Harris Teeter. Thank you ultra-pasteurized milk.