Life, like these blogs posts, has taken some twists and turns. If you look back through the months of postings there was the "Name that Memorial" series focused exclusively on running and tourism, the "studying for finals and the bar exam" series, and now I seem to be in a series on faith. It's amazing how even wonderful life changes prompt faith-developing experiences. And it's ironic how the things I worried about 12 months, 10 months, 6 months ago related to my move to New York are the things that seem to be working out perfectly and there are all sorts of other things that leave me with a weird empty feeling.
For the past two weeks I've felt some weird combination between floating and drifting. Those are two very different feelings. Floating is being above it all in a place where you wonder if things are real because they are too good to be true. Drifting is being tossed--being smashed against the woman who has a dog in her purse on a urine infested Subway car, being exhilarated through an eddy of adrenaline that comes from finishing a last minute assignment before leaving the office, being propelled northward on Broadway by some extra-human force at the end of a day when you forgot to eat and failed to sleep from a mixture of anticipation and nerves. The combination of the two feelings is something akin to hitting a meteor.
I had a mini-identity crisis today. I longed for someone to laugh at me and say, "Meg...." for doing something that is "so Meg." Like the picture one friend took of me cooking enchiladas with my blue "birdie" apron on and my Blackberry in hand, or the time I confessed being a worrier in front of the entire congregation at church and then totally called out the smile on my roommate's face as if I could see her sitting on the stand behind me. I tried to reassert my identity today--I planned a small dinner party. As former roommates know, I went through a phase where I planned so many dinner parties I had to swear them off, but I loved throwing dinners so much that I started rationalizing by calling them "gatherings."
While simultaneously floating and drifting in the exosphere over this clean slate of an identity, I have felt an incredible need for an anchor. Something to keep me grounded in reality and what is really important. So tonight I went to the temple. It was my anchor. The temple workers were practicing American Sign Language, so I sat through ordinances in silence watching them speak with their hands, and something amazing happened. I knew (rather was reminded of knowing) that our Heavenly Father knows us individually. Our identities are grounded in the fact that we are His children. He knows us and loves us so much that there is room for each of us to participate in His house and in His work--even if we don't speak. And His house and His gospel are the same, whether you are with family in Southern California, or with friends who may as well be family in Washington D.C., or with 8 million anonymous faces brimming with potential friendship in New York City. He knows me and He knows what is "so Meg."
Friday, October 29, 2010
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Wind
In the Book of Mormon, there is a story about a group of people called the Jaredites who came to the Americas in ships at the time languages were confounded when the Tower of Babel was destroyed. This small group of righteous people were blessed by God not to have their language be confounded, and by a prophet referred to as the Brother of Jared, they were led to the American continent, a promised land. (See the Book of Ether for the complete story.)
One part of the account of their journey describes: "And it came to pass that the Lord God caused that there should be a furious wind blow upon the face of the waters, towards the promised land; and thus they were tossed upon the waves of the sea before the wind. ... And it came to pass that the wind did never cease to blow towards the promised land..." (See verses 5-8.)
Have you ever been on a boat for a long period of time? I love short adventures with any kind of watercraft, but after about 24 hours at sea, I'm ready to be done. I feel sick, cagey, and restless, even if the whole point is to be relaxing and have nothing to do. I've never been on a ship that has encountered a furious wind, but I have tried walking to the metro during one of D.C.'s near hurricanes. It's not easy, and it's not fun. I certainly never feel like the wind is assisting me in reaching a better place.
I don't think of the story of the Jaredites as an allegory--I believe it literally happened. However, I see it's allegorical value. At times in my life I have been stuck on a figurative ship, in the middle of a difficult situation with no easy way out. Sometimes it feels the way I felt on a hike several years ago in Canyonlands National Park. My group had hiked down into a gorge, was running out of water, and the only way to get back to our cars was to keep pushing our way up. The prospect of climbing the wall of the gorge was incredibly unappealing, but we had no other option. Once the Jaredites boarded ships to the promised land, there was no other option--they had to keep going or get out of the boat and drown. When I came to this earth, I had made the decision to stay faithful through all trials in order to reach the promised land my Heavenly Father is preparing in heaven. The only other option is to metaphorically drown--to succumb to Satan's temptations, particularly of discouragement and defeat, abandoning the hope of Heavenly Father's promises.
The amazing thing is that the harder the winds that Heavenly Father frequently designs just for me and my ship, the better the end result. At the moment life feels like being riding a jet ski on the glassy morning Pacific with dolphins and sea lions. (I'm not making this up; I really did this and it was amazing.) On the other hand, the past two years had some lengthy bouts of furious winds. I have no doubt there are more furious winds ahead, but instead of pushing me back, they will be pushing me forward to solid ground.
One part of the account of their journey describes: "And it came to pass that the Lord God caused that there should be a furious wind blow upon the face of the waters, towards the promised land; and thus they were tossed upon the waves of the sea before the wind. ... And it came to pass that the wind did never cease to blow towards the promised land..." (See verses 5-8.)
Have you ever been on a boat for a long period of time? I love short adventures with any kind of watercraft, but after about 24 hours at sea, I'm ready to be done. I feel sick, cagey, and restless, even if the whole point is to be relaxing and have nothing to do. I've never been on a ship that has encountered a furious wind, but I have tried walking to the metro during one of D.C.'s near hurricanes. It's not easy, and it's not fun. I certainly never feel like the wind is assisting me in reaching a better place.
I don't think of the story of the Jaredites as an allegory--I believe it literally happened. However, I see it's allegorical value. At times in my life I have been stuck on a figurative ship, in the middle of a difficult situation with no easy way out. Sometimes it feels the way I felt on a hike several years ago in Canyonlands National Park. My group had hiked down into a gorge, was running out of water, and the only way to get back to our cars was to keep pushing our way up. The prospect of climbing the wall of the gorge was incredibly unappealing, but we had no other option. Once the Jaredites boarded ships to the promised land, there was no other option--they had to keep going or get out of the boat and drown. When I came to this earth, I had made the decision to stay faithful through all trials in order to reach the promised land my Heavenly Father is preparing in heaven. The only other option is to metaphorically drown--to succumb to Satan's temptations, particularly of discouragement and defeat, abandoning the hope of Heavenly Father's promises.
The amazing thing is that the harder the winds that Heavenly Father frequently designs just for me and my ship, the better the end result. At the moment life feels like being riding a jet ski on the glassy morning Pacific with dolphins and sea lions. (I'm not making this up; I really did this and it was amazing.) On the other hand, the past two years had some lengthy bouts of furious winds. I have no doubt there are more furious winds ahead, but instead of pushing me back, they will be pushing me forward to solid ground.
Sunday, October 17, 2010
True Prophets
A few weeks ago, The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints held it's 180th Semi-Annual General Conference at Temple Square in Salt Lake City. (Archives of the conference can be found here.) Listening to General Conference was a peaceful way to spend eight hours of my weekend. Questions I had been pondering were miraculously answered, and subtle points of confusion were made clear as I listened to God's prophets share His message for the world.
A couple weeks before General Conference, I was at a gathering of LDS Single Adults in New York City. I attended a break-out session discussing sacrifice, and there was some discussion regarding the differences between laws of sacrifice and consecration. After that break-out session I had been contemplating what consecration really means and seeking a clear explanation. During the first two-hour session of General Conference, Elder Todd D. Christofferson, one of the modern Twelve Apostles, gave a talk entitled "Reflections on a Consecrated Life."
In his talk, Elder Christofferson explained and clarified things I had been pondering for quite some time. He said, "our life on earth is a stewardship of time and choices granted by our Creator. The word stewardship calls to mind the Lord's law of consecration, which has an economic role, but more than that, is an application of celestial law to life here and now. To consecrate is to set apart or dedicate something as sacred, devoted to holy purposes." Then Elder Christofferson listed five elements of a consecrated life: purity, work, respect for one's physical body, service, and integrity.
When I first learned about the law of consecration, I viewed it as limited to the United Order--essentially an economic welfare system. Later experiences taught me that consecration can involve more than money, but also time and talents. But Elder Christofferson's talk helped me understand how the law of consecration is inextricably linked with the Atonement of Jesus Christ. To live a pure life, we must follow Christ's example and rely on the healing power of the Atonement through repentance. Work frequently stretches me as an individual and requires me to rely on the Atonement to grow and develop in ways that I would not be able to on my own. Respect for our physical bodies stems from an understanding that through Christ's Atonement and resurrection we too will be resurrected and our spirits will be reunited with the physical bodies we possess on this earth. Christ's Atonement was the ultimate act of service, and as we perform service for others our characters are changed to become more like Christ's perfect character. By living a consecrated life we continue to change and develop to the point where our integrity is perfect. The gospel is a gospel of change. Gospel means good news. Changing from our human and imperfect states to a Christlike one is the best news. And it is through the Atonement of Jesus Christ that this change is possible.
The power and beauty of change was further highlighted to me in President Boyd K. Packer's talk, "Cleansing the Inner Vessel." Though President Packer explicitly addressed the dangers of pornography and other forms of immorality that threaten the family, I realized the truth of one of his statements as applied in so many contexts. He said, "Some suppose that they were preset and cannot what they feel are inborn temptations toward the impure and the unnatural. Not so! Remember, God is our Heavenly Father." He continues to discuss agency and Paul's instruction to the Corinthians that not one of Heavenly Father's children will be tempted beyond his or her capacity to overcome that temptation.
Many people who heard or read this talk applied this quote specifically sexual sins, and understandably so considering the context of the talk. However, the truth of President Packer's statement resonated as I noticed the subtle ways in which Satan is currently attacking the idea of agency. I was in Barnes & Noble where I read the cover of Scientific American Mind: "The Making of a Psychopath, Why They Don't Care: They Can't." Later this week I was reading The Tipping Point, by Malcolm Gladwell. He stresses over and over that people are the product of their environments, insinuating that our actions and reactions are outside our individual control. These more subtle attacks on the supremacy of personal agency are incredibly dangerous. How grateful I am for an apostle of the Lord who through modern revelation made it clear that agency is a real and true principle, that we are each free to choose what we will do.
President Packer's remarks resonate with a statement made several years ago by the prophet, Ezra Taft Benson. He said, "The Lord works from the inside out. The world works from the outside in. The world would take people out of the slums. Christ takes the slums out of people, and then they take themselves out of the slums. The world would mold men by changing their environment. Christ changes men, who then change their environment. The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature."
About a year ago I saw someone I had worked with a couple years prior. She made a comment about the type of person I was when we worked together, and the description was by no means flattering. I realized that I had changed significantly in those years. That my Heavenly Father had carefully directed me toward experiences and challenges that helped my character to develop for the better through reliance on the Atonement. I was still me, but I was also a different person. The same is true today. The experiences of the past year have challenged me, caused me to fall to my knees in humble prayer and plead for the help to become a changed individual. And in that change, that growing to be more similar to my Savior, I have been surprised that I am still an individual. Too often we define ourselves or allow others to define us in terms of our negative qualities or what we lack. Everyone possesses some degree of imperfection. Everyone struggles with something that will undoubtedly be heart-wrenching and heart-breaking at some point in time. I believe that everyone's trials at some point will have a "make-it or break-it" potential when it comes to being faithful to God and receiving the highest degree of His glory. The whole point of this life is to stop defining ourselves by our negative characteristics or those temptations that have the potential to hold us back. As we do that, and as we rely on the Savior's Atonement, we can focus on our gifts, talents, and unique characteristics that allow us to be more perfect and live a more consecrated life. I thank God for prophets who preach the doctrine of the Atonement and fill the world with truth in a time of doubt and darkness.
A couple weeks before General Conference, I was at a gathering of LDS Single Adults in New York City. I attended a break-out session discussing sacrifice, and there was some discussion regarding the differences between laws of sacrifice and consecration. After that break-out session I had been contemplating what consecration really means and seeking a clear explanation. During the first two-hour session of General Conference, Elder Todd D. Christofferson, one of the modern Twelve Apostles, gave a talk entitled "Reflections on a Consecrated Life."
In his talk, Elder Christofferson explained and clarified things I had been pondering for quite some time. He said, "our life on earth is a stewardship of time and choices granted by our Creator. The word stewardship calls to mind the Lord's law of consecration, which has an economic role, but more than that, is an application of celestial law to life here and now. To consecrate is to set apart or dedicate something as sacred, devoted to holy purposes." Then Elder Christofferson listed five elements of a consecrated life: purity, work, respect for one's physical body, service, and integrity.
When I first learned about the law of consecration, I viewed it as limited to the United Order--essentially an economic welfare system. Later experiences taught me that consecration can involve more than money, but also time and talents. But Elder Christofferson's talk helped me understand how the law of consecration is inextricably linked with the Atonement of Jesus Christ. To live a pure life, we must follow Christ's example and rely on the healing power of the Atonement through repentance. Work frequently stretches me as an individual and requires me to rely on the Atonement to grow and develop in ways that I would not be able to on my own. Respect for our physical bodies stems from an understanding that through Christ's Atonement and resurrection we too will be resurrected and our spirits will be reunited with the physical bodies we possess on this earth. Christ's Atonement was the ultimate act of service, and as we perform service for others our characters are changed to become more like Christ's perfect character. By living a consecrated life we continue to change and develop to the point where our integrity is perfect. The gospel is a gospel of change. Gospel means good news. Changing from our human and imperfect states to a Christlike one is the best news. And it is through the Atonement of Jesus Christ that this change is possible.
The power and beauty of change was further highlighted to me in President Boyd K. Packer's talk, "Cleansing the Inner Vessel." Though President Packer explicitly addressed the dangers of pornography and other forms of immorality that threaten the family, I realized the truth of one of his statements as applied in so many contexts. He said, "Some suppose that they were preset and cannot what they feel are inborn temptations toward the impure and the unnatural. Not so! Remember, God is our Heavenly Father." He continues to discuss agency and Paul's instruction to the Corinthians that not one of Heavenly Father's children will be tempted beyond his or her capacity to overcome that temptation.
Many people who heard or read this talk applied this quote specifically sexual sins, and understandably so considering the context of the talk. However, the truth of President Packer's statement resonated as I noticed the subtle ways in which Satan is currently attacking the idea of agency. I was in Barnes & Noble where I read the cover of Scientific American Mind: "The Making of a Psychopath, Why They Don't Care: They Can't." Later this week I was reading The Tipping Point, by Malcolm Gladwell. He stresses over and over that people are the product of their environments, insinuating that our actions and reactions are outside our individual control. These more subtle attacks on the supremacy of personal agency are incredibly dangerous. How grateful I am for an apostle of the Lord who through modern revelation made it clear that agency is a real and true principle, that we are each free to choose what we will do.
President Packer's remarks resonate with a statement made several years ago by the prophet, Ezra Taft Benson. He said, "The Lord works from the inside out. The world works from the outside in. The world would take people out of the slums. Christ takes the slums out of people, and then they take themselves out of the slums. The world would mold men by changing their environment. Christ changes men, who then change their environment. The world would shape human behavior, but Christ can change human nature."
About a year ago I saw someone I had worked with a couple years prior. She made a comment about the type of person I was when we worked together, and the description was by no means flattering. I realized that I had changed significantly in those years. That my Heavenly Father had carefully directed me toward experiences and challenges that helped my character to develop for the better through reliance on the Atonement. I was still me, but I was also a different person. The same is true today. The experiences of the past year have challenged me, caused me to fall to my knees in humble prayer and plead for the help to become a changed individual. And in that change, that growing to be more similar to my Savior, I have been surprised that I am still an individual. Too often we define ourselves or allow others to define us in terms of our negative qualities or what we lack. Everyone possesses some degree of imperfection. Everyone struggles with something that will undoubtedly be heart-wrenching and heart-breaking at some point in time. I believe that everyone's trials at some point will have a "make-it or break-it" potential when it comes to being faithful to God and receiving the highest degree of His glory. The whole point of this life is to stop defining ourselves by our negative characteristics or those temptations that have the potential to hold us back. As we do that, and as we rely on the Savior's Atonement, we can focus on our gifts, talents, and unique characteristics that allow us to be more perfect and live a more consecrated life. I thank God for prophets who preach the doctrine of the Atonement and fill the world with truth in a time of doubt and darkness.
Friday, October 1, 2010
From Sea to Shining Sea
Since June I have wanted to have a Hundred Mile Month. I thought about doing it in July, but a stress fracture and the worst summer heat I have experienced since living in Houston got in the way. So September became my Hundred Mile Month, and I am happy to report it was a relatively injury-free, good weather month of running on both coasts! I logged miles 93-100 today and reached my goal!
Travels made it possible for me to run here:
Travels made it possible for me to run here:
 |
| And Here |
 |
| And Here |
 |
| And to the top of this mountain overlooking the ocean. |
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)