Tourists are God's Children Too (or Secrets to Self-Confidence Part 3)

I listened to Coldplay's song, "See You Soon" exactly three times driving from my house to Safeway to buy more strawberries today. (See the lyrics here.) I was having one of those "lost-your-trust--bullet-proof-vest--windows-all-closed" sorts of days. I am pretty sure that in the first eight hours of my day I only spoke to two people.

A good night's rest is supposed to fix things like that, right? But I woke up grumpy still--frustrated that so many of my friends seem to be worried about what other people think about them and frustrated that I am also acutely worried about how other people perceive me. When I get too frustrated or concerned I seem to shut down and shut out. I get annoyed with the tourists on the metro who stand on the left side of the escalator, talk during rush hour, and make things crowded.

But one girl who seemed to be a tourist was being friendly to people on the train. I'll be honest--she looked a little different than most metro riders. She was exceptionally small, carried an apparently empty pink backpack, and had unusually long hair and librarian-style glasses. But I don't think she was a child. She was not "cool" and she broke the cardinal rule of not talking to the stranger next to you on the metro. She tried to talk to the lady sitting across from her about her phone; she asked to see her neighbors wedding ring and said it was beautiful; and she saw someone else with something from L.L.Bean and held up her pink backpack with a smile and pointed to establish a connection with that person. She was genuine, she cared, and some people still did not want to talk to her. But I think this girl is on to something.

Most people I know are concerned that if they show genuine interest in getting to know another person it will be interpreted as, well... showing interest! And for some reason we are generally worried about showing interest in another person. And because so many of us are worried about showing interest in others, we don't ever really get to know them. And then with a bunch of people who don't really know each other, many of us start to feel like people are judging us. But categorizing and judging and differentiating are things we all do when we don't really know who another person is. Yesterday I resolved to try to chip away at some of these insecurities and actually become friends with more people, but I kind of got cold responses, which made me feel even more insecure and more judged, and the cycle perpetuated because I started judging the tourists, not caring who they are as real people, as children of my Heavenly Father, as my brothers and sisters.

It's time to shift gears, change focus, and be more like the tourist on the metro. Here's to meaning it when I say, "How are you?" and to having enough confidence not to be discouraged when someone passes judgment on me. Because the only thing that will change the tide of general self-consciousness is genuinely caring about the person next to me.

Spring Break!

Sometimes when I am walking home from the metro, I think about where I was a year ago, and almost invariably, I find myself happier now than I was then.

For instance, during this same week last year, I broke up with my boyfriend and my grandpa died. I made two trips to California in one week, and I got further behind on school, internship, and law review work. Not a fun week.

This week however has been a blast. That's not to say it hasn't been stressful (if you need help unpacking the double negatives... well, I've been pretty stressed and tired lately). But I've been having fun. Part of why I'm tired is because my roommates and I stay up late, sitting in the hallway, talking about life and boys and the fun things we are going to do with each other and planning parties.

We run to the Air Force Memorial at sunrise. We laugh about when boys tell us our hair looks great when it's just in a ponytail (and not even a cute one at that). Then we watch youtube videos and laugh some more.

I can come home excited about an economics article I am reading, and my roommates suggest I diagram it with white board marker on the mirror. And then they listen to me explain the prisoner's dilemma and how my professor applied it to dating, and they smile. Not the fake smile that expresses, "wow, I don't know what to say because I think you're a little crazy" or the real smile of "Oh, Meg..." that is accompanied by a slight shaking of the head, but instead the genuine smile of, "I love to see you so happy and excited and I'm glad the people coming over to our apartment are repeatedly making references as to how our mirror looks like a scene out of A Beautiful Mind."

Yes, life is good. It's better than it was a year ago. Welcome Spring Break!

Star Sightings

About a year ago, I was in Boston's Logan airport. As I was walking through the airport, I saw one of my favorite actors on TV--Sam Waterson (aka Jack McCoy from Law & Order) doing a TD Ameritrade commercial. This reminded me of my family because we always watch Law & Order reruns when we are together, so I pulled out my Blackberry to e-mail my parents, sister, and boyfriend about the Sam Waterson sighting. Even though I explicitly stated that I saw him ON T.V., my family was somewhat confused and thought I had seen him in person. When everyone discovered that I had only seen him on TV in a commercial, I never lived it down.

So today, I got an e-mail from my dad. He is flying from JFK to LAX. As is typical for our family, he e-mailed all of us.


Dear Family,

Sitting in the row in front of me on the plane is Detective Mike Logan (AKA Chris Noth) of Law & Order fame. This is not a TV sighting, it is a real human being. Just thought I would let you know.

(Emphasis added)

This scenario reminds me of the time I bought lactose free milk. (Read about it here.) In our family, we like to tease. And when we don't have anything current to tease about, we draw up old stories that never seem to lose their humor.